The age of sulking is over. I'm done.
Say goodbye to the depression and feelings of hopelessness. I will not put myself in a box and label it "Creep". I am not that. I will not shy away from or slouch from my current position, just because it makes others uncomfortable. I am physically and emotionally attracted to females sometimes and that doesn't make me anything more than just another human. I am not a sinner when I get aroused by a beautiful woman. I will not flaunt it like some heterosexual women do, (married or not) posting pictures with a sexy guy and his shirt off and cat calling about it (Come on, ladies, you know you do). But I refuse to live confined to the shadows for fear that my "brothers and sisters in Christ" might find me disgusting or a predator of some kind. This kind of life...This kind of sulking has lead me to seek out non-Christian approval and friendships. Approval from the opposition. Friendships that are not bad in themselves, but paired with my already lonely heart, their council is going to pull me further out to sea; when obviously I am starting to drift already. I think this is one of the many reasons why others who have fought this temptation have failed, because (Damn it!) God's church has made them feel like an outsider, or (at best) a very good liar.
I will no longer apologize for my feelings. I feel them; they are real to me and there is no guarantee that they will cease. I am not gay. I am not a lesbian or bisexual. Those are labels for other people to use if they choose. And if they choose to use them on me, then that's their choice, not mine. This is not pride. This is courage. This is the truth. I will not sulk anymore for things that I cannot change.
