When I was struggling with an addiction to porn, I reached out to a friend for help and accountability. I think many people think of "accountability" as a two-way street - meaning that both parties involved must have the same or similar obstacles to fight against. I don't think that it has to be that way at all. If you need help, call a friend- or even better, call someone you don't know very well who you respect and know that they are both organized in their personal life and in their home. In other words, find someone who is not living in chaos because they are more likely to keep in touch and to be a good role model for your present chaos that you're in. Consider that a side note about accountability partners.
Marissa was my help this time. I called her because I knew that we had talked before about my struggles and she seemed like a safe place to me. I told her (in detail) about the situation that I had got myself into. I told her that I never wanted to go back to that bar again. But that just like my pornography addiction, I knew that that conviction would soon be replaced by hormones and idiocy. Right now, I was feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. I don't think I asked for her advice of what to do, and I don't think she offered. Marissa did exactly what I called her to do. She mentally reminded me, through daily and weekly phone calls, why I should never go back to that bar. Marissa became the strong voice of my conscience.
And just like my pornography addiction, I'm happy to say that I don't need that extra reminder anymore.
The spell has been broken.
I know that the beast is still waiting to entrap me into a new snare, but for the very least I can say that it won't be hypocrisy anymore. It won't be in keeping secrets either. Drew knows, Marissa knows, of course God knows, and now ALL of you know, the truth about my life. I have nothing left to hide.
So what's next?
You ask what is next. I suggest Luke 11 or Matthew 12 for at least part of the answer. These are the chapters where we find these words "When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, "I will return to the house I left." When it arrives it find the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it even other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. The final condition of that man is worse that the first."
ReplyDeleteI say what is next is to fill the empty places in your heart with the good gifts of God. I know you already have a relationship with God, but allow it to grow; grow bigger than it ever has been before. Not legalistically through excercises...but through a relationship. When we love someone we spend lots of time with one another. Not because we MUST but because we WANT too.... As we grow in Christ we fill our hearts with things of Him!!
Thanks for sharing! I talked to my wife last week about my addiction to porn and self gratification. I am making an honest go at stopping this addiction. I imagine it will be hard like when I quit smoking. And I still want a cigarette after two years! I accidentally found porn online(that's rare for me as I'm usually looking for it) and it took a few minutes, but I went away from it. And I stopped short of self gratification. It's almost been a week! This is something I've struggled with since I was 12...
ReplyDeleteThanks for being open and honest with your blogs. I encourage you to keep writing!
Hi Laura, thanks for sharing your struggles. You know that in Jesus Christ, you have been forgiven completely. "confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." :-) I am praying for you trust that the Lord will heal you. Love you, Laura. Thanks again.
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