Perfectly Imperfect and proud of it

I have observed the power of the watermelon seed.  It has the power of drawing from the ground and through itself 200,000 times its weight.  When you can tell me how it takes this material and out of it colors an outside surface beyond the imitation of art and then forms inside of it a white rind and within that again a red heart, thickly inlaid with black seeds each one of which in turn is capable of drawing through itself 200,000 times its weight - when you can explain to me the mystery of a watermelon, you can ask me to explain the mystery of God.     ~William Jennings Bryan

We are all created perfectly imperfect.  God thinks I'm useful, but I feel like the biggest screw-up that has walked the earth.  I remember that Paul who wrote the majority of the New Testament in the Bible,  characterized himself in a similar way.  So do we all think we are the worst of the worst? 

"It seems that my greatest argument is denial."
One of the readers wrote back to me asking what exactly I was denying?  I prefaced my answer by saying that what I meant by "denial" was more like living in the state of, rather than just denying one thing or another.  More to the point, I live within my own set of expectations that I place upon myself, and assume that those beliefs about me are equal to God's. 
How is it even possible that I would expect more from me than God, Himself? 

I have believed that the show of my life should look spotless with my obedience to God and His will.   When I fall short, I beat myself down; not just for my "sin" but because of my imperfection.  My imperfect nature causes me constant frustration and self-ridicule.  I don't mean to argue with God about anything, but when I consider myself only created to fail, that's exactly what I'm doing. 
I'm still fighting off the ghosts of my past.  I know that reprogramming takes time.  I am beginning to realize how unnecessary it is to hate myself over that, when my expectations in God and myself are not met.


If God tells me to "Jump" or if He tells me to "Stay" in my troubled marriage or if He says "Keep on living" when I feel like giving up because I failed again....I need to remember that He is God and He will have His way, whether I argue with Him or not.
 
God, understanding this imperfect nature and my impulses to do things the wrong way, still chooses me for His work.  He still wants me, to love ....and then to love Him.