I boast no more

I am coming forward today to publicly recommit my life to Christ. I have already been back on track with Him for a few months now and I know that it is unnecessary for me to announce it to my church family for me to be forgiven, but because my fear of confession before all of you is a problem- I think that I need to do this and confront that fear head on. I want a life of integrity. Over the past year or more I have been living a double life. -Going to bars,compromising my family and my faith in God, seeking out people and places that would lead me even further away- all in search of my own gratification. And I can't share the whole story now but I will say that it started with a disappointment in God. That disappintment turned to anger than bitterness and later apathy. I was ready to disregard my entire relationship with Jesus just because I didn't feel important to Him anymore. You might think that because I went to bars that drinking was my problem, that's not the case... My problems were much deeper. I was on the verge of abandoning God -and along with that my marriage. I just stopped caring. This is not easy to say... But I can't work and serve beside all of you knowing that I am still keeping my life a secret. Satan thrives in fear. God has saved me from myself again. (... I am so thankful for that.) Through His word and through prayer He has been leading me back to humility. -REALIZING this life is not about me and yet He still cares about my needs and my wants.. I am just thankful that He never gave up on me, even when I was ready to give up on Him. Also, I am very grateful for the friends and mentors that have stood beside me through all of this -fully knowing all the garbage that I struggle with. I'm sure that it's been challenge for them to watch me go through this "growing process". God has reached out to me through all your care. Thank you Susie and Stephanie and Geri from Hope Ministries and Tim. -I was so afraid to talk to you. I honestly can say that I would not be making this huge step and putting the past behind me if were not for all of you. -There are so many others too like Thanks to Lisa Greathouse for giving me that extra nudge to come forward. God has used you all in a mighty way. And I wanted you to know, your efforts were worth something to me. -And to His kingdom