Just Another Day

So many events have happened since I last wrote.  My son, an 8 year old, was almost kicked out of school.  My daughter, less than 8, was caught dressing inappropriately at church -Luckily it was by her parents and no one else.  I chose to reach out to a professional about a problem with temptation that I was facing almost everyday at work.  Dependence on God has been at an all time high in my marriage, in my bank account, and with my extended family issues.  And the list goes on...

But today during some downtime at work, I wrote this:

Dear God, 

(I actually started this prayer by calling God,  "a sly dog", - My actual words were, "Oh, you sly dog."  However, in rethinking my words, I realize that was impulsive and could be considered disrespectful by others....I'm sure God had a chuckle though.")

Here I sit feeling not anxious - not really worried either.  

I guess the best way to explain it would be, ungrounded or ...

disordered? 

I feel like a nomad or gypsy, never sure of what will happen next.  Yet always knowing ....

I will still be here.  I will still be alive.  

You like it that way though.

You like me depending on you more than what I have done or am doing.  

More than being thankful for the blessings, you like me to be waiting on you, and to always remember just where all blessings stem from.

You want me to rely on you.

You desire my dependence more than my happiness.

How unlike a human parent that is.  

When all of the other comparisons seem to work.  

You are the parent that never wants to let go.   

And we are the child that could never out grow our need for you.