Trying to Find Answers

[Inspiration comes in many different forms. I have to admit I have been inspired several months to write again, but every time I would somehow busy myself and forget about it.  The result was a later nagging with regret and guilt from not listening to call the first time. 
There is a certain sense of pride that comes from completion.  Although my Living Testimony will not be completed until my death, it cries out to me often to add more.
This time, I did not ignore it.]

Cancer.  Tim Timmons talks about coping with the difficulty of talking to his children about his terminal illness.  I can't even fathom just how that conversation would go down.  I am just thankful for the fact that it isn't me. 
That sounds pretty harsh, doesn't it?  But be honest with yourself.  We all know someone who has died of cancer, or perhaps was able to go into remission.  Remission, we call it that because it's never positively gone.  It's hiding. Waiting.
We love those who we have lost to cancer, but most of us were never ready to go in their place.
I identify with his song "Great Reward", as do many others who have never experienced the deadly C, but yet we all know how trying life can be.  "Trying", I can't believe that I just used that word.  The word "trial" does not adequately describe what life is like when it feels so hopeless, so hellish.  And yet, why do we use that word?
A "trial" is defined as:
a test of the performance, qualities, or suitability of someone or something.

Come to think of it, many people who use the word, trying or trial, are God-believers in some form. (I say these things not to inform you the reader, but just to share my discoveries as I write it down.)

All that, just to say that I have a trial that I live with almost every day. 
Many say that it doesn't have to be a trial.  Even in my Christian church family there are those that say that it shouldn't be considered a hardship.  I am speaking of my same-sex attraction, of course (see previous posts if you are lost with that).
This, idea, is disheartening.  I don't blame them for wanting to believe it.  We all want to believe that our loved ones who do not appear to live wicked lives, and who also would even love Jesus Christ and choose Him as their Savior, would not be damned to hell for loving someone more than they should.  After all it doesn't make sense why God would make up such a insensitive and illogical law for his people to obey.  Doesn't He want us to be happy?  Doesn't He want us to feel loved and not to be alone?  Why would something like a physical feature or our anatomy be enough to dictate on who we should or should not love or marry?
These questions are asked before we examine the Bible for answers, and nobody is wrong for asking them. 

(Continued in Part 2 tomorrow)