Clothing Optional part 2 of 3

What is the definition of a woman? And how do we know what a man should be? I think these questions are more crucial to find answers for in our nation today then merely trying to define marriage. Now I guess I should post a dictionary definition or something research related from Wikipedia. But if it were that simple to answer then why are we still asking?

Marriage (typically) is a choice, an agreement between two individuals to spend their lifetime together, till death, no matter what the circumstance. Motherhood, on the other hand, is not a choice (although there are some that would argue this). It is something that you might or might not prepare for in advance. And even with all the child rearing training classes and books available, the constant advice streaming in from all sides both family and friends, NOTHING adequately prepares you for a baby entering your world like life experience.

When my son came home with us from the hospital I was a nervous wreck. I had instantly felt a connection to him while they wheeled us into the other room (after surgery) and I sang to him. This is something I had thought of and planned before hand. My effort to pass on something meaningful to him through my voice and the power of music. Later while rocking him to sleep at home I spoke aloud all my fears to him. It was my simple confession that I had no idea what I was doing but then realizing that we had that common ground between us. This was his first time too. And that made me feel better.

Sometimes my son sees his little sister getting her nails painted or playing with her "princess play make-up" and jealousy flares. He used to say, "When I'm a baby again, I'm gonna be a girl." In the past this small statement might have scared me a little and fed some unfounded fear inside me that I had somehow passed this burden on to my children. Not this time. Because I understood (correction: I understand) that whether my son plays with dolls or army men, wears polish or dirt on his nails, loves pink or blue... he will always be my son. He will always be a boy and someday a man, just the way God created him to be. Our society makes these distinctions between the genders, not God. What an amazing revelation that is to me! (and to my son) Freedom to be anything you want to be, and knowing that your identity is forever secured by the one who made you.

When life gets hard and your way gets blurred, "go back to your roots".

I had ignored the feelings of doubt and inadequacy for so long. To be a better wife, a better lover, and of course to be a mother. My mother in law pushed me into church involvement. I'm grateful that she did because I needed to get out of the house and socialize. But it also made me realize that I'm an adult now, not just a crazy college student. People look at me and they see a grown woman. I feel like a child amongst them but they can't tell that. At home I could raise my kids how I wanted to. By that I mean, I didn't have to pretend to be anything I wasn't. They didn't know any better. They didn't know that other mom's don't like to dig in the mud with their kids to find worms. They didn't know that it was weird that I like spiderman and super hero movies just like their daddy. And if mommy only wears dresses once or maybe twice a month, she's not abnormal for that.
Watching these other ladies at church their behaviors, their hobbies, their family life I felt like I needed to cover myself up again.
And I did...but wearing so many different shoes will eventually produce blisters, especially if they don't fit.

"Go back to your roots." My face a mess with tears streaming and my head swimming with questions, all I could hear was my professor saying, "Go back to your roots."
I had no roots to this "character" I was playing. I was ashamed of my family(Mom and Dad), my past, and ultimately ...I was ashamed of me.
But I had to fix this. I needed to be rooted in something, by something, or someone.

I couldn't keep running away.



(Think of this as an attatchment for clarfication: After proof reading I realize that it might seem that I am saying there is no definite difference between the genders. That is NOT true. God clearly states descriptions for each role in life. And I do understand that there are inherinant differences between the genders (beyond the physical) whether we can see them in ourselves or not. Where the "society" part or our culture kicks in is in the little things... such as our hobbies, our likes and dislikes, and even our facial structure or body type can be scrutunized to not be adequatly living up to the "gender standards". These things don't make a man or not to God. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings. =)