As a Christian I am forever rooted in Christ. The Bible says that He lives in me and grows, matures, and eventually will produce fruit.
Looking back through my hour glass of my childhood and adolescence, I found something good. I had a very real and deeply rooted personal relationship with God. He was my hope. He was what I held on to. He was the first one I talked to in good times and bad. He was everything that my earthly father failed to be for me. He was my best friend. And I...I was important to Him.
That relationship, that closeness, and innocence was certainly something that I wanted back in my life again. I was unhappy with what was happening to me (from all sides) but I was joyful on the inside because of the peace that knowing God gave me.
Beyond losing that I also discovered that I had abandoned my pursuit of music and writing. Although, I had helped coach a soccer team when my son was young, I still felt inhibited by my thinking that a grown woman shouldn't behave this way.
Helping out with the youth group, which had been a "dream job" growing up, I wanted to act goofy just like them but then would remember that maybe that was not very "lady-like".
Breaking down those stereo-types in my mind wasn't easy, but it helped that at my core was Christ and He had been there all along. But now...not as much. Why?
And, How do I go back to Him (my root) without going back to my sinful delusions?
I could draw this story out longer but let me just say it. I tried to. And...
I failed.
But my friend (back at the beginning of this series) was right. They were just clothes. I can wear those same clothes knowing that I am a woman now. Knowing that I'm not a freak of nature hoping to look cool for someone who would care for someone like me. In fact, I have worn those clothes again! But my vision has changed. What I see looking back in the mirror at me has changed. My heart has changed.
The hobbies, the special interests, the career choices, and the clothes are all "optional" to God. It's the heart that matters.
It's the heart, He sees.
Thank you for sharing. I hate the boxes society puts on us. Equality between men and women was lost in the garden but shall be regained in heaven. I am looking forward to that--- the day when we all are truly as one.
ReplyDeleteIt's the heart He sees. How so very true. You have cut to the core of everything that should be important to us, but often is the very last thing we consider. How very often we as humans fail to remember that so much that we deem "important" actually matters very little... Bravo for finding the words to point out a reality that many of us don't want to face.
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