Acceptance- The rest is up to...

"Acceptance" comes easier when people see with their hearts and not with their eyes.

I don't want to be rich, but I wish I was comfortable.  I don't need a house full of elegant furniture and designer clothes, but I want to be able to entertain company of those that do.  I don't need a great career that is more fun than work, but I want to make my dreams a reality.  I don't need to be in a class higher than I am, but I want to feel contentment.

I need to learn acceptance. 


As a teen, watching the unbelievable relationship between my parents, the role of women in the world looked less then appealing.  I saw my Mom as weak and overly emotional.  I read in the Bible that women were to "submit" to man's authority.  To me, the word "authority" and my Father's tyranny were synonymous.   I continually shied away from that scripture.  I had a hard enough time submitting to God's rule over my life.  Submitting to an angry out of control man did not seem like the correct thing to do.  The Bible must not be talking to me, I concluded. 

I've spent the last couple years whining to my friends and my spouse.  I whined to God the most.  Oh Why am I in this position?  Why do I have to deal with this 'evil' attraction all the time?  Why didn't YOU stop my Father from doing those things to me?  Why God?  Why can't I just be a 'normal' woman?  Why do I have to feel like scum around other ladies?  And WHY won't you take this from me?

A few of my friends showed me the door after hearing about all this, but most of them told me that I'm not all that bad.  They said, "Kayt, you are making this bigger than it is..."   But I thought I should think myself cursed because I though the Christian world would reject me...if they only knew.  If they would reject me, then how could I accept me?


The fact is... women are physically not as strong as men (generally speaking - not every man is stronger).  Women have a specific role to play in relationships...this is true too.  So does a man.   And it is also true, according to the Bible, that I must submit to my husband's God given authority.  It also says that Drew should love me like Christ loves the Church (Jesus gave His life as a demonstration of that kind of love).
My Dad messed up his portion of the relationship, but my Mother (in her weakness) held on to God's promises and was faithful to do her part no matter what.     .....Perhaps she was stronger than she appeared.

Whether I am lower class my whole life....  Whether I get cancer and all my hair falls out ...whether my husband dies in a tragic accident...Whether 'love' doesn't seem to last in our marriage....Whether a hurricane blows away my newly purchased home...  Whether I never finish my degree and owe my student loans for the rest of my life...  Whether I never witness my influence changing someones life for Christ.....

I need to learn acceptance.


If this is the life I have been given, and it is.  I must learn to move away from what others might think is right for my life.  God tells me all I need to know.   He loves me.

The Pity party is over.  The struggle inside to make the right choices might never go away.  And I'm done wasting my prayers asking for an end to this struggle.  I am learning to be content in my circumstances.  Whether God-made or man-made, it doesn't matter at this point.  It's done.   There will be no rewrite.   I am here, and this is what is happening now.  All my fighting, screaming, and clawing about it...just makes me selfish and crazy. 

I am learning acceptance.