Letters from the Past

Over the past 12 years, I have kept a prayer journal.  Although I do not write as much as I used to, I still find it useful to look back and read letters from my past; to see what God has done. 
The following are a few of my entries that I came across:
(All entries are undoctored, only punctuation was added.)
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7-8-02
Dear Father,
    I don't like getting old anymore.  I want to stay young and fit forever. 
There is so much pain and grief in this world.  It's everywhere; sometimes "hope" seems snuffed out by it all.
Most of the time, I just want to talk to you about "crunchy peanut butter" just because I don't want to have to think about real issues:  Like where is my life going right now, and will I ever talk to {deleted friend's name} again?
I don't want to write anymore right now.
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7-18-01
Dear Father,
      Thank you for your strength and joy and peace that you gave me yesterday.  I pray, and I will pray, that everyday it might not just be the same but grow with increasing measure each day. 
Thank you for all the many blessings: like air to breathe, the Holy Spirit, trees, people to love and to love me, and you, a room to clean, and stuff to dirty it with.  Thank you for who you are, which amazes me.  It seems every time I turn around, I discover another aspect of your nature/ways, and it's wonderful- to wonderful- to awesome for words. 
Now Father, I ask for the courage and the wisdom to search out actively/excitedly, people to love and to serve that I might love and serve you more. 
Thank you again.  Amen.
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5-4-03
Dear Father,
    Forgive me for falling in love with my dreams -And cheating on my husband in that way.  Forgive me for taking that word fidelity or adultry so lightly sometimes, just because of the culture that I live in.  Father, forgive me for not seeking you in every way and at every moment.  Forgive me for being envious of other people's lives and money and stuff that they own. 
Thank you for revealing these things to me.
Help me to learn to love Drew more.  Help me to discover him the way that I want him to discover me; and the way that he already has.
Fix me, Father.  Fix me!
Make me how you think I should be.
I love you, and I thank you for your grace.
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5-28-07
Dear Father,
    It's been so long since I opened up your word to read it on my own.  That can't be a good sign of where my priorities lie. 
I just put [my daughter] to bed after feeding her.  I held her in my arms close to my chest while she slept.  Most of the time I feel so disconnected from her during the day with everything going on and [my son] demanding my attention.  But for those moments of quiet time with just [my daughter] and I together, I feel so close to her; as if she were still sleeping and growing inside me.  It's hard for me to let those moments come to an end.
I hold her close while she sleeps and I think to myself, with such satisfaction, "we are the same".  It's a wonderful feeling.
I also believe it to be a big break through for that to be an honest thought and feeling from me now.
I'm trusting you   ..deep breath - good night.
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6-3-07
Dear God,
     Thank you for taking care of me today - and reminding me that I am not alone.  I actually felt peace.
The day went by so fast.  Everyday that Drew is off usually does though.
I still feel everyday incompetent to be a wife or a mother, but you are giving me the confidence that I need.
It's hard to forgive those that I feel are responsible for my low self esteem and lack of confidence; but each day is a new day with a new start and end for me- so it is for them too.
The effects are still felt for years though and it's hard to let go and learn something different.
Teach me, Father, to listen and believe only in you.
Sometimes I feel as if I should not ever watch T.V. again, or go to the mall, or go to see a movie.  They all corrupt and pollute my mind- which bleeds into my heart.  But then, I guess, I shouldn't even walk out my front door or go to the store to buy groceries...There was a man who was waiting for me and the stroller with [my daughter] in it to move today in the Wal-Mart parking lot so that he could back out, and he actually cussed at me- or the situation- saying "Damn it!" -What is that about??  The world is a scary and sinful place, and you have asked my family to live in it.  So although we want to be separate from it with our purposes, we must be a part of it with our every waking being [yes, I wrote that...]. 
Tell me how you did it.  Tell me that learning from you, "the perfect man", is not a lost cause for someone totally mortal and sinful like me.
Prove to me that you can take my messed-up life with the messed up past and make something completely useful and great out of it.
Please, I beg you.  Prove it!