debating

My best friend is Jesus.
 There I said it.  (Well, at least it should be.  Jesus and I have a lot of catching up to do)  The BFF spot cannot be shared with my husband because my relationship with Jesus must always stand alone; no one not even Drew can share that position with Him.  I found this out the hard way.

Many years have gone by with this pyramid scheme inside my head.  I wish I knew how to draw it out for you all on here.  Basically, it's a triangle that shows God at the top and Drew and I at the lower points.  The idea sounds pretty insightful: as we grow closer to God we grow closer to each other.  The problem with the diagram is it's dependant on each individuals pursuit after a close relationship to God.  What if my spouse or I make unconscious/conscience decisions not to follow after that goal?  What then?  Am I still to pursuit God even if that pulls me further away from my spouse, my best friend?!    The answer is yes, but the metaphor of the pyramid is lousy.
 Unfortunately, it took many years away from a close relationship with the Lord to finally realize this.  I thought that I had to choose : God or Drew, and how could that be if he is my God-given husband?  I chose to be a faithful wife and somehow that contradicted with a close relationship with Jesus.

 Drew believes all the same things that I do about the Bible.  He wants to impart those same beliefs onto our children.  We pray before our dinner meal and if he is able (as in not working), he wants to attend church.  However, early on (within the first month of our marriage) he confided that he never really had experienced the kind of excitement and personal love for God like I had.  (Of course, while writing this, I hope that I'm not misrepresenting him.)  That conversation would fester and brood inside my heart and my head for many years to come.  And the subject of our prayer life or things related would remain virtually taboo.  Gradually this conflicting battle of who I would choose to be closer to on my personal pyramid (God or my spouse) would be reluctantly be resolved.
I chose Drew, and that led both of us down a path of disappointment and emptiness.  I could not be the wife or woman I needed to be without Jesus as my center.


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Note to readers:  My apologies for this post to be cut short like this, but it had been sitting in my "draft" box for a while now because it was very difficult to share intimate details about Drew and I. I'm not at all embarrassed of my husband, and I don't want to give of that impression, however I know that I don't understand everything about him or his relationship with God and it's impartant to me not to say things that are misleading or untruthful.  So I'm going to post this and if you have further questions about how I got from point A to point C, I encourage you to ask me specifically to explain.    Thanks.  

Moving on....  I will be making another post today.  The subject is: My Motivation Exposed -the whole truth of why I created this blog and why I've been hiding it.