ZZZZzzz...?!?

School was hard for me.
College was even Harder.

I came to college with poor habits in organization and simple study skills. As you already know I am one of those "last minute" people. And with my parents miles and miles away I had no one to tell me that I needed to go to bed at a descent hour or my body would suffer. (And it did!) To sum it up, I might have matured in some ways but the skills needed to excel in school were stuck in adolescence.

In H.S. I had witnessed other kids sleeping at their desk. In moments of boredom, I attempted to do the same but never could get comfortable enough.
I never understood the art of sleeping while sitting even while inside a car or van on a long road trip.
I was a light sleeper. But right after I got to college, I could not seem to wake up! I wasn't trying to sleep in class, but it seemed like the only thing I COULD do. It was incredibly frustrating sometimes. I actually wondered if they were emitting some kind of gas through the vents into the room making it so difficult for me to stay awake.

Keeping up with assignments and reading came secondary to my social life that semester. I was going anywhere and everywhere except to my own dorm room to study. The library only existed when I was meeting another friend there to head off somewhere else. I must have thought I was on a Super Retreat or something. I'm not really sure...I didn't drink at all but the whole semester is kind of a blur to me now.

I met alot of guys that I took notice of but they seemed too preoccupied with other girls. At one point I was told by an upper classman from my dorm that I was popular. She said this as if she felt privileged to get to spend time talking to me. I was shocked by that. Of course being popular seemed like a good thing and probably my forever goal while at any school, but just looking around I couldn't see a single real friend in my life. There was no one who knew me or even acted as if they cared to get past the superficial. I was lonely.

....AND I was close to flunking out of college.

I had winter break (apox 4 weeks) to get my act together before school started up again. I was placed on academic probation. This meant that I was limited in my hours I could take, and I had to maintain a certain GPA by the end of the term.
None of that bothered me too much because.... I MADE A Decision.
I decided that I didn't have to be what I always thought I was (which was a failure). I could make myself into a super student if I wanted to (and I did!) Besides establishing better organizational skills for my classwork, I also developed a better bedtime routine and social discipline for my busy class schedule. I would start projects when they were assigned and not wait till the night before they were due. The Library had become my home away from home and my dorm room desk was actually sat at and used.
I quickly learned that if you say "No" a couple of times to your friends they stop asking you to join them to go places.
I was willing to do whatever it took even if it meant looking like a hermit to everyone around me.

More important than all the other study habits and wires I had recrossed in my brain. I had made a decision to NOT worry about guys anymore. I would be married to my books.

Later on that semester......

I met Ben.