My motivation

I think it should be obvious to everyone who has kept up so far that I'm no saint. But sometimes I think about the previous blog entry I posted and wonder... Have I told all the awful truth about me, or just enough so I wouldn't have to let you see just how completely terrible I can be?

A friend recently to wrote me (after reading this blog) saying much about sympathy and pity. She seems to believe that when people share their hard life stories, prompting an emotional response is their main purpose.

I want to clarify on here publicly as I did in my response privately to her.
I am NOT seeking sympathy.
I only ask for comments as an encouragement to let me know I am writing to someone other than myself.

My motivation:
I think we are far enough along in the story that I can say that I have a secrets. These secrets I have kept from many people close to me for a very long time.

I think there is a danger in keeping some things secret. My fantasy life and struggles within my head are very easy to keep to myself. However, when I challenge myself to let it out...To let you see inside my head...I am at your mercy. This is both scary and freeing.

All the time we hear of men and women "coming out of the closet". Just recently Ricky Martin did this publicly. He expressed how wonderful it felt to not have to hide THAT about himself anymore. There is a freedom felt when we let go of worrying of what others think, and we just LIVE. When you can spill out all that you have been thinking and feeling all along then it doesn't press on your heart as much. A giant weight has been lifted for Ricky, I would imagine.

I am not gay (homosexual) and have never referred to myself that way, but this is my "coming out". Take away what you will from it. All I ask is that you read it and know that I am being completely honest with you. This is me.