Just keep remembering this is MY LIFE and not yours and we'll all try not to get offended.
I understand that I'm probably skipping many details, but by this point, I'm ready to just spit it out.
Still not understanding how or what occurred inside to make me feel the way I did about myself - and girls - and life in general...I felt forced with the fact that I had to "submit" to God's will. The facts were all stacked up against me.
So it seemed.
I say "so it seemed" because I was just now beginning to see the importance of the order that love came for me. I learned it as a child in Sunday School and didn't think twice about it till now...something clicked.
We love God because He first loved us.
Even our reasons for loving God are selfish (a fun fact). But more important than that is His love came first. We were tarnished from the start, hell bent to turn against Him (and He knew it) and still...
(It brings tears to my eyes.)
My reasoning...
If God tells me that I need to stop thinking about other women like that. And that I am a woman myself just like my genetic make-up tells me I am...Then I need to believe that just like everything else written in the Bible, He wants what's best for me. In rational thought..He would know right? He made me.
What other option did I have? It was right there in front of me. Cold hard fact that He said "Don't".
Before I was even back at my room I had begun to talk to Him about the upcoming decision. I laid down the rules for Him of the trust-fall. I said, "God, this is how it works...I do my part and You have to do yours."
I was dreading stepping through my dormroom door but as soon as I did I fell hard to my knees. and then later after I got into it, my face.
I wanted a miracle right then and there.
I wanted Him to miraculously transform me because I knew just how hard this was going to be.
I had to make a vow with Him or I knew I would never be faithful to hold to my convictions.
A vow with God is serious stuff, I know.
I told Him that it was all on His shoulders. All I could do was stop and try to believe. He would HAVE to DO the rest.
I held to that as if it was a promise he Had audibly made to me.
And the struggle got harder...because I had to stop being me.
Next Up: Difficult Changes
--Preview--
(Mirror Coaching)
"I'm a woman?" "I'm a woman." "I am a Woman."
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Memorial Day - Remembering loss is gain
Almost at the end of a long weekend.
One more day of family and friends cooking out and getting wet.
Is anyone else crispy yet?
Almost like the sun is punishing me for my heritage.
I am sometimes envious of those who reflect sunlight. But what can ya do? It's life and life never gives you all that you want. You'd be lucky if you can keep your head above water and scoot by being born without the need of oral surgery or corrective lenses.
My son also has trouble understanding the concept of "Life's not fair." Or "You don't always get what you want." He's only five so this is not at all surprising yet still the tantrums are annoying. We have a label for adults that get stuck at this stage -"egocentric". You're so vain and I bet you thought this post was about you.
I can't say I'm any better about it. I have my occasional "adult" tantrums. I've even whined to God that "It's not fair!". Unfortunately (or fortunately-depending how you look at it) God behaves the same way I try to when my son cries to me... He patiently waits for me to stop before we move on.
Waving a fist at my Dad never helped either. When I got older, I got bolder (or just desperate) I even tried punching him in the gut a few times. He has a curved spine so it was his biggest feature but also it was as hard as a rock. It was like punching the floor when your mad. And any of us that have done that know. That's always a regrettable mistake.
And he just kept coming...
I would have my say. I would tell him just how much he irreversibly hurt me. How damaged I was now. I just wanted him to know. I wanted an honest apology. An apology that came from understanding my pain. A look of sadness or something!!
Nothing...
It didn't even stop him to reflect. He just kept coming...
And he was my Daddy.
He would demand my love and forgiveness threatening that hell was a certainty if I refused. I knew he was in the wrong but what he said was right. What could I do? Where could I go? There was no escape..except the unthinkable.
Life is not fair.
I hate those words. We are forced to swallow them down like sour medicine.
After my research...
I had found my sour medicine.
One more day of family and friends cooking out and getting wet.
Is anyone else crispy yet?
Almost like the sun is punishing me for my heritage.
I am sometimes envious of those who reflect sunlight. But what can ya do? It's life and life never gives you all that you want. You'd be lucky if you can keep your head above water and scoot by being born without the need of oral surgery or corrective lenses.
My son also has trouble understanding the concept of "Life's not fair." Or "You don't always get what you want." He's only five so this is not at all surprising yet still the tantrums are annoying. We have a label for adults that get stuck at this stage -"egocentric". You're so vain and I bet you thought this post was about you.
I can't say I'm any better about it. I have my occasional "adult" tantrums. I've even whined to God that "It's not fair!". Unfortunately (or fortunately-depending how you look at it) God behaves the same way I try to when my son cries to me... He patiently waits for me to stop before we move on.
Waving a fist at my Dad never helped either. When I got older, I got bolder (or just desperate) I even tried punching him in the gut a few times. He has a curved spine so it was his biggest feature but also it was as hard as a rock. It was like punching the floor when your mad. And any of us that have done that know. That's always a regrettable mistake.
And he just kept coming...
I would have my say. I would tell him just how much he irreversibly hurt me. How damaged I was now. I just wanted him to know. I wanted an honest apology. An apology that came from understanding my pain. A look of sadness or something!!
Nothing...
It didn't even stop him to reflect. He just kept coming...
And he was my Daddy.
He would demand my love and forgiveness threatening that hell was a certainty if I refused. I knew he was in the wrong but what he said was right. What could I do? Where could I go? There was no escape..except the unthinkable.
Life is not fair.
I hate those words. We are forced to swallow them down like sour medicine.
After my research...
I had found my sour medicine.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Scary as Hell
Take this as an encouragement...because I am encouraging you to check my words in the last post. Make sure they are not only typed correctly, but I strongly "encourage" you to look at the context as well. I'm encouraging this because I want you to see for yourself what I am seeing. I hope no one expects me to post the whole book of Romans. -Ain't happen'n, sorry. =]
The description here is pretty ...well, descriptive. Don't you think? And the progression is hardly unnoticeable. It seems to go from a flick on the wrist to tearing out living organs. I think its funny (not necessarily haha) that in verse 30 he mentions disobeying your parents along with acts of evil.
(OK...I'm still stalling about talking about me. But you aren't reading this for an exegetical study or commentary so I'll move on.)
This whole page is convicting (another word for scary as hell) to me even now. I guess by the end of my rampage through the library's resources, I finally landed upon researching the words of verse 28. Being given over to a "depraved mind" did not sound like a good thing, and of course, I was curious about what exactly that meant. (Because it scared the Sh*# out of me - Pardon my asterisk)
I had concluded that it was just as I thought. Homosexuality was not what God wanted for men or women to do with their bodies, but...
I still asked the questions of how did it get this way?
How did we go from kiddos and learning about God to... fornicating in a way that did not honor Him? Two obvious extremes while the middle story leaves room for questions and doubt.
I thought of my friend Aaron.
Aaron(19 y.o.) and I were on the management team of a McD's in IL. (I worked there over summer and breaks from school.) Over a retreat that sent us to Chicago we got to talking about "stuff". I remember it well....Me holding my fat 10 dollar cigar and him sipping his wine cooler (fuzzy navel, I believe) at our super high class Chicago hotel. He must have been a light weight or something because he began confessing his life to me as if I were his own personal priest.
Aaron told me was from a very conservative Christian family who went to church every time the doors were open. And he had tried magazines and porn movies and anything he could think of....Still the only thing that got him aroused was another man.
We stayed up all night talking while the rest of our group slumped over the sofas and floors inside the suite. We decided to go out for some fresh air and took the city bus to the beach just in time for the sun to rise over Lake MI. It was both beautiful and stinky. (from seagulls and vomit...Apparently, we were not the only ones that stayed up all night partying.) All together, a very memorable night.
We stayed in touch after that and occasionally I would need to give him a lift home. The ride would give us time to talk about those things we couldn't mention at work. Aaron kept repeating just how tired he was of hiding and trying to change. He said that he would go talk to his preacher about it but for the fact that every time he got the courage to do so, the sermon that day would include another statement about how people like him were going to hell.
I ...I never knew what to say to him.
I understood that his preacher thought he was saying the right things according to the Bible. But I also knew that to Aaron it would sound like inevitable condemnation.
I'm not like Aaron. I've always felt an attraction to guys. It was somewhat different but it was always there. I reasoned, "How can God create a man who chooses Him and chooses life, and yet is so trapped in his own skin that will eventually send him away from God's plan?" "Does God create a man just to watch him burn!??" And this was a puzzle in my mind...a puzzle that came rushing back to me after reading this portion of Romans.
Another post to finish up this lengthy explanation of my decision making process coming up (soon!)
But I want to wait...And I want to hear a little more feedback about these last few posts. I KNOW it's a very VERY touchy issue with many of you on opposing sides of each other. But please a little "chatter" would be appreciated.
Another Thankyou for reading. =]
The description here is pretty ...well, descriptive. Don't you think? And the progression is hardly unnoticeable. It seems to go from a flick on the wrist to tearing out living organs. I think its funny (not necessarily haha) that in verse 30 he mentions disobeying your parents along with acts of evil.
(OK...I'm still stalling about talking about me. But you aren't reading this for an exegetical study or commentary so I'll move on.)
This whole page is convicting (another word for scary as hell) to me even now. I guess by the end of my rampage through the library's resources, I finally landed upon researching the words of verse 28. Being given over to a "depraved mind" did not sound like a good thing, and of course, I was curious about what exactly that meant. (Because it scared the Sh*# out of me - Pardon my asterisk)
I had concluded that it was just as I thought. Homosexuality was not what God wanted for men or women to do with their bodies, but...
I still asked the questions of how did it get this way?
How did we go from kiddos and learning about God to... fornicating in a way that did not honor Him? Two obvious extremes while the middle story leaves room for questions and doubt.
I thought of my friend Aaron.
Aaron(19 y.o.) and I were on the management team of a McD's in IL. (I worked there over summer and breaks from school.) Over a retreat that sent us to Chicago we got to talking about "stuff". I remember it well....Me holding my fat 10 dollar cigar and him sipping his wine cooler (fuzzy navel, I believe) at our super high class Chicago hotel. He must have been a light weight or something because he began confessing his life to me as if I were his own personal priest.
Aaron told me was from a very conservative Christian family who went to church every time the doors were open. And he had tried magazines and porn movies and anything he could think of....Still the only thing that got him aroused was another man.
We stayed up all night talking while the rest of our group slumped over the sofas and floors inside the suite. We decided to go out for some fresh air and took the city bus to the beach just in time for the sun to rise over Lake MI. It was both beautiful and stinky. (from seagulls and vomit...Apparently, we were not the only ones that stayed up all night partying.) All together, a very memorable night.
We stayed in touch after that and occasionally I would need to give him a lift home. The ride would give us time to talk about those things we couldn't mention at work. Aaron kept repeating just how tired he was of hiding and trying to change. He said that he would go talk to his preacher about it but for the fact that every time he got the courage to do so, the sermon that day would include another statement about how people like him were going to hell.
I ...I never knew what to say to him.
I understood that his preacher thought he was saying the right things according to the Bible. But I also knew that to Aaron it would sound like inevitable condemnation.
I'm not like Aaron. I've always felt an attraction to guys. It was somewhat different but it was always there. I reasoned, "How can God create a man who chooses Him and chooses life, and yet is so trapped in his own skin that will eventually send him away from God's plan?" "Does God create a man just to watch him burn!??" And this was a puzzle in my mind...a puzzle that came rushing back to me after reading this portion of Romans.
Another post to finish up this lengthy explanation of my decision making process coming up (soon!)
But I want to wait...And I want to hear a little more feedback about these last few posts. I KNOW it's a very VERY touchy issue with many of you on opposing sides of each other. But please a little "chatter" would be appreciated.
Another Thankyou for reading. =]
Monday, May 17, 2010
"God's Wrath against Mankind"....I guess that includes me.
Romans 1:18-32 (NIV)
18)The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19)since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20)For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities --his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21)For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22)Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23)and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24)Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25)They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen.
26)Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27)In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
28)Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29)They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30)slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31)they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32)Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Next post will refer back to this one. Please let me know if you notice a typo.
18)The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19)since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20)For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities --his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21)For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22)Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23)and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24)Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25)They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen.
26)Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27)In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
28)Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29)They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30)slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31)they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32)Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Next post will refer back to this one. Please let me know if you notice a typo.
Reheated
MMMmm Cold four hour old coffee. It really gets my heart pumping, let me tell ya.
I was considering my last post and I think I need to back the memory train up again ---just to give you more insight into my head.
I HAD considered by this point that there was something immoral about my imaginary life that I continuously returned to. Mainly because my friendship with Rosa had suffered because of it.
I knew that I had not been "present" to be a real friend to her. And that was certainly not a good definition of love.
I still had a hard time extinguishing notions that she did not ever desire something more of me. Even after reality had violently waved it in my face. But this failed relationship had prompted me to try to prevent this from happening again.
The fantasy barrier was one of respect, and that was how I rationalized it. I would only "fantasize" about movie scenes or related fictional characters from now on. That was my new rule, although I'm certain that I broke it from time to time.
I thought I could CHOOSE to be selective with my thoughts and it would be alright.
My mind was a safe place for me.
That makes me sound kind of childish I guess, but it's not that different. It was a habit I had made for myself. Possibly an escape originally. Now it was just security. It gave me a sense of familiarity. We all have our own ways of dealing with change. I had play after play of my memories behind eyes and would splice them and alter them as I saw fit.
My Mom used to walk into my room and catch me (look who's think'n dirty now). She would catch me talking to myself (fully clothed with my hands where you could see them ;) ). And she would ask me who I was talking to. My reply most of the time was "God". It sounded better than just me conversing all the time to myself and I figured that God was listening in no matter what sooo technically..... just kidding.
OK that was a tangent.
I am telling you all this because I want you to understand that for me to look into ANY scripture that might tell me I need to change who I am and tell me that I needed to somehow give this head life up FOR GOOD! What??!! I must have been insane. Giving up like that was terrifying. It would change my world. It would make me have to choose between God and myself. I knew who would lose that battle.
I looked at all kinds text, both old and new testaments. Not forgetting to double check with the original Greek and Hebrew texts. Word searches a plenty, I was going full speed and hardcore. I would not be satisfied until every stone was overturned and a conclusion was clear. Because an unclear conclusion would mean that either I missed something or the Bible was irrelevant to my life.
The main passage that I began to focus in on was from Romans 1:18-32.
(I will type it from the NIV after this post)
I'm not sure if I can stress enough that no one threw this Bible verse(s) at me. How would they? No one knew anything about this "issue" in my life.
You couldn't tell anymore (I made sure of that one). I had perfected my coolness and my femininity and I would not let myself be called "gay" or a man again. That was like painting a bright red target on my forehead. A permanent branding that would never wash off. This secret was between God and I and I wanted it to stay that way.
I was considering my last post and I think I need to back the memory train up again ---just to give you more insight into my head.
I HAD considered by this point that there was something immoral about my imaginary life that I continuously returned to. Mainly because my friendship with Rosa had suffered because of it.
I knew that I had not been "present" to be a real friend to her. And that was certainly not a good definition of love.
I still had a hard time extinguishing notions that she did not ever desire something more of me. Even after reality had violently waved it in my face. But this failed relationship had prompted me to try to prevent this from happening again.
The fantasy barrier was one of respect, and that was how I rationalized it. I would only "fantasize" about movie scenes or related fictional characters from now on. That was my new rule, although I'm certain that I broke it from time to time.
I thought I could CHOOSE to be selective with my thoughts and it would be alright.
My mind was a safe place for me.
That makes me sound kind of childish I guess, but it's not that different. It was a habit I had made for myself. Possibly an escape originally. Now it was just security. It gave me a sense of familiarity. We all have our own ways of dealing with change. I had play after play of my memories behind eyes and would splice them and alter them as I saw fit.
My Mom used to walk into my room and catch me (look who's think'n dirty now). She would catch me talking to myself (fully clothed with my hands where you could see them ;) ). And she would ask me who I was talking to. My reply most of the time was "God". It sounded better than just me conversing all the time to myself and I figured that God was listening in no matter what sooo technically..... just kidding.
OK that was a tangent.
I am telling you all this because I want you to understand that for me to look into ANY scripture that might tell me I need to change who I am and tell me that I needed to somehow give this head life up FOR GOOD! What??!! I must have been insane. Giving up like that was terrifying. It would change my world. It would make me have to choose between God and myself. I knew who would lose that battle.
I looked at all kinds text, both old and new testaments. Not forgetting to double check with the original Greek and Hebrew texts. Word searches a plenty, I was going full speed and hardcore. I would not be satisfied until every stone was overturned and a conclusion was clear. Because an unclear conclusion would mean that either I missed something or the Bible was irrelevant to my life.
The main passage that I began to focus in on was from Romans 1:18-32.
(I will type it from the NIV after this post)
I'm not sure if I can stress enough that no one threw this Bible verse(s) at me. How would they? No one knew anything about this "issue" in my life.
You couldn't tell anymore (I made sure of that one). I had perfected my coolness and my femininity and I would not let myself be called "gay" or a man again. That was like painting a bright red target on my forehead. A permanent branding that would never wash off. This secret was between God and I and I wanted it to stay that way.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Like waking up from a dream...(Incomplete)
So what did you think about the "Personality Profile"? I would actually encourage everyone to take one of these kind of tests, because I think its very beneficial to our relationships to other people that we understand ourselves better (our strengths and weaknesses).
I actually (believe it or not) found this one from a facebook application. Imagine my surprise when I saw how 'Right On' it was with my life. With the exceptions of some differences here and there that simply demonstrated my potential but there were obstacles in my life that made it more difficult to achieve fully. Such as with college and career and staying steadily focused in one area of expertise. As was indicated in my previous blog entries I had a difficult time with college. I think this was primarily due to self-esteem issues that followed me to school though. Even while my Dad was miles from me and the kids from 4th grade wouldn't even know me from Adam anymore, their voices still haunt me. Life is funny like that.
One thing that I wanted to point out from the Personality Analysis was the career choices it suggested would be attractive to me.
"Clergy" was the first one mentioned.
I thought that was interesting because my first response to the question of what I wanted to do with my life (in career terms that is) was forever leaning towards a place in ministry.
I tossed around the idea with several different department possibilities including Children's Ministry and serving as an overseas Missionary. But if I were to be completely honest with you and myself (although I've never been so bold as to say it aloud because I knew how frowned upon it would be) I always wanted to be a preacher or at the very least a youth minister.
I know some of you that read this are thinking.."What's wrong with that? Go for it!" But according to scripture and tradition that I have grown up with, it is not a women's place. :( Another bummer that I was born a lady, I guess.
Alright
Let's get down to it....
I don't know what year it was or the time or day of the week even except to tell you that it had to be a weekday since it happened right after class.
I'm not even sure what sparked it. There must have been some random scripture that was mentioned in class that turned on a light in my head. All I know is hell must have been close to freezing because I was on my way to the Library on campus in search of answers to questions that were unrelated to any class project.
I must have been there for a least 4 to 5 hours because when I was done frantically researching, it was feeding time again at the CAF.
(Continued story on next post.)
I actually (believe it or not) found this one from a facebook application. Imagine my surprise when I saw how 'Right On' it was with my life. With the exceptions of some differences here and there that simply demonstrated my potential but there were obstacles in my life that made it more difficult to achieve fully. Such as with college and career and staying steadily focused in one area of expertise. As was indicated in my previous blog entries I had a difficult time with college. I think this was primarily due to self-esteem issues that followed me to school though. Even while my Dad was miles from me and the kids from 4th grade wouldn't even know me from Adam anymore, their voices still haunt me. Life is funny like that.
One thing that I wanted to point out from the Personality Analysis was the career choices it suggested would be attractive to me.
"Clergy" was the first one mentioned.
I thought that was interesting because my first response to the question of what I wanted to do with my life (in career terms that is) was forever leaning towards a place in ministry.
I tossed around the idea with several different department possibilities including Children's Ministry and serving as an overseas Missionary. But if I were to be completely honest with you and myself (although I've never been so bold as to say it aloud because I knew how frowned upon it would be) I always wanted to be a preacher or at the very least a youth minister.
I know some of you that read this are thinking.."What's wrong with that? Go for it!" But according to scripture and tradition that I have grown up with, it is not a women's place. :( Another bummer that I was born a lady, I guess.
Alright
Let's get down to it....
I don't know what year it was or the time or day of the week even except to tell you that it had to be a weekday since it happened right after class.
I'm not even sure what sparked it. There must have been some random scripture that was mentioned in class that turned on a light in my head. All I know is hell must have been close to freezing because I was on my way to the Library on campus in search of answers to questions that were unrelated to any class project.
I must have been there for a least 4 to 5 hours because when I was done frantically researching, it was feeding time again at the CAF.
(Continued story on next post.)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My Personality Test Results
INFJ Profile
In general, INFJs are future oriented, and direct their insight and inspiration toward the understanding of themselves and, thereby, human nature. Their work mirrors their integrity, and it needs to reflect their inner ideals. Solitude and an opportunity to concentrate thoroughly on what counts most is important to them. INFJs prefer to quietly exert their influence. They have deeply felt compassion, and they desire harmony with others. INFJs understand the complexities existing within people and among them. They do not call a great deal of attention to themselves, preferring that their contributions speak for them. They are at their best concentrating on their ideas, ideals, and inspirations.
INFJ Life
INFJ children have two sides. They can be gregarious and very much involved in the world of people, as well as quiet, imaginative, and in their own world. INFJ children are gentle and often abhor violence, especially in their childhood games.
As teenagers, INFJs look for a small group of people who understand and appreciate them. Without this support, they can feel isolated from others. INFJs who do not find a supportive social group may find the teen years to be somewhat difficult for them because of peer pressure to be "popular" and activity oriented. They are not likely to enjoy large parties, but prefer intimate groups of close and long-standing friends. They may participate, and even lead, in such things as academic activities, yearbook, and newspaper, because these activities allow them to express outwardly their regard for others and enable them to exercise their creativity.
Many INFJs who have the opportunity gravitate toward higher education, where they often find their niche and "place in the sun". With their intellectual bent, they are led to endeavors that allow them to deal with theory and complexity. Professors often spot their intellectual inclination and encourage it.
INFJs often settle early into a career choice and diligently apply themselves to the career's requirements. This same diligent pattern applies when selecting other important things in their lives, such as where to live, who to marry, and what activities are worthy of their dedication.
INFJs have an internal picture of how they would like their work to contribute to the general good. INFJs are committed more to their ideas than to any individual organization. If they are in an appropriate career area, INFJs may reap the rewards of their insight and hard work. Because of their future-focus, their people orientation, and their push toward task completion, they may rise to positions of responsibility.
INFJs tend to believe that if their ideas are sound, those ideas will carry them through their lives. As a result, retirement will take care of itself. They may vary in the amount of actual planning they have done for this stage of their lives. INFJs look forward to nurturing family relationships, to grandchildren, and to seeing the foundations that they have made for themselves flourish. They anticipate the time when they can engage in hobbies without interruptions and have peace and quiet for reflection. Retirement also gives them the opportunity to become further involved in interests that they have developed over their lifetimes.
INFJs at Work
INFJs tend to be devoted to what they believe in and seek work where their needs, values, and ideals can be deeply engaged. They move on the wave of their inspirations and are determined to see that their values are worked out in their lives. They will work toward their goals individually and, when needed, will put together a team of other highly dedicated people like themselves.
They are personable with others, working with integrity and consistency, and they follow through on their commitments. INFJs, while concentrating on what is important to them, may ignore the political ramifications of their actions. They can be surprised by the necessity of being political and usually resent that aspect of organizational life. Being able to talk honestly and comfortably to people at work is much more important to them than "playing games."
Work Setting
INFJs prefer a quiet and organized work setting that allows them time and space for reflection, yet one in which it is possible to interact freely with others. Their offices may have a personal feel and be filled with mementos or photos involving persons or causes important to them. INFJs like to be around people who are strongly focused on making a difference to overall human well-being. They want opportunities to be creative.
Organizing Style
INFJs orient themselves toward their goals using a personal values based framework. They do not "advertise" their values and priorities because they believe in harmony and positive relationships. However, one would do well not to underestimate the amount of perseverance, energy, and time INFJs give to their priorities. What they do, they do with an almost religious intensity.
The INFJ external environment may be only partially organized. For example, INFJs may lose their glasses or misplace their car keys because they do not pay enough attention to organizing mundane, everyday things. Their internal environment, by contrast, is anything but haphazard. Their ideas need to fit into a coherent whole that has the pieces in place. Organization of the internal world takes precedence over organization of the external world. The external world will become organized if it is important to the INFJ's internal vision, if there is room for it, or if important people request it.
Occupations
To perform well at work, individuals may need to use all of the eight preferences at the appropriate time and when required by the situation. Knowing this, people tend to select occupations that allow them to use the preferences that are most natural to them.
INFJs prefer occupations that focus on the big picture, involve conceptual awareness, and lead to a better understanding of the spiritual, emotional, or future needs of people. They want their work to have impact and meaning and for it to bring them admiration and respect.
While INFJs can and do enter all occupations, some are more appealing to them than others. According to available research, some occupations (in alphabetical order) seem to be especially attractive to INFJs: clergy, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, librarian, marketeer, psychiatrist, psychologist, scientist, social worker, and other occupations that allow INFJs an opportunity to make their own creative contribution. These occupations are not meant to be an exhaustive list, but serve to illustrate some areas an INFJ might enjoy. If your specific occupation, or one that you are interested in, is not listed here, think instead of its generaL characteristics and ask yourself how those fit with your type.
INFJs in Love
For INFJs, "still waters run deep." They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, the INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner.
They may not openly demonstrate, or even verbalize, their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or their mate reveals flaws.
INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular "date," revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.
INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.
INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalize their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long period of self-examination.
In general, INFJs are future oriented, and direct their insight and inspiration toward the understanding of themselves and, thereby, human nature. Their work mirrors their integrity, and it needs to reflect their inner ideals. Solitude and an opportunity to concentrate thoroughly on what counts most is important to them. INFJs prefer to quietly exert their influence. They have deeply felt compassion, and they desire harmony with others. INFJs understand the complexities existing within people and among them. They do not call a great deal of attention to themselves, preferring that their contributions speak for them. They are at their best concentrating on their ideas, ideals, and inspirations.
INFJ Life
INFJ children have two sides. They can be gregarious and very much involved in the world of people, as well as quiet, imaginative, and in their own world. INFJ children are gentle and often abhor violence, especially in their childhood games.
As teenagers, INFJs look for a small group of people who understand and appreciate them. Without this support, they can feel isolated from others. INFJs who do not find a supportive social group may find the teen years to be somewhat difficult for them because of peer pressure to be "popular" and activity oriented. They are not likely to enjoy large parties, but prefer intimate groups of close and long-standing friends. They may participate, and even lead, in such things as academic activities, yearbook, and newspaper, because these activities allow them to express outwardly their regard for others and enable them to exercise their creativity.
Many INFJs who have the opportunity gravitate toward higher education, where they often find their niche and "place in the sun". With their intellectual bent, they are led to endeavors that allow them to deal with theory and complexity. Professors often spot their intellectual inclination and encourage it.
INFJs often settle early into a career choice and diligently apply themselves to the career's requirements. This same diligent pattern applies when selecting other important things in their lives, such as where to live, who to marry, and what activities are worthy of their dedication.
INFJs have an internal picture of how they would like their work to contribute to the general good. INFJs are committed more to their ideas than to any individual organization. If they are in an appropriate career area, INFJs may reap the rewards of their insight and hard work. Because of their future-focus, their people orientation, and their push toward task completion, they may rise to positions of responsibility.
INFJs tend to believe that if their ideas are sound, those ideas will carry them through their lives. As a result, retirement will take care of itself. They may vary in the amount of actual planning they have done for this stage of their lives. INFJs look forward to nurturing family relationships, to grandchildren, and to seeing the foundations that they have made for themselves flourish. They anticipate the time when they can engage in hobbies without interruptions and have peace and quiet for reflection. Retirement also gives them the opportunity to become further involved in interests that they have developed over their lifetimes.
INFJs at Work
INFJs tend to be devoted to what they believe in and seek work where their needs, values, and ideals can be deeply engaged. They move on the wave of their inspirations and are determined to see that their values are worked out in their lives. They will work toward their goals individually and, when needed, will put together a team of other highly dedicated people like themselves.
They are personable with others, working with integrity and consistency, and they follow through on their commitments. INFJs, while concentrating on what is important to them, may ignore the political ramifications of their actions. They can be surprised by the necessity of being political and usually resent that aspect of organizational life. Being able to talk honestly and comfortably to people at work is much more important to them than "playing games."
Work Setting
INFJs prefer a quiet and organized work setting that allows them time and space for reflection, yet one in which it is possible to interact freely with others. Their offices may have a personal feel and be filled with mementos or photos involving persons or causes important to them. INFJs like to be around people who are strongly focused on making a difference to overall human well-being. They want opportunities to be creative.
Organizing Style
INFJs orient themselves toward their goals using a personal values based framework. They do not "advertise" their values and priorities because they believe in harmony and positive relationships. However, one would do well not to underestimate the amount of perseverance, energy, and time INFJs give to their priorities. What they do, they do with an almost religious intensity.
The INFJ external environment may be only partially organized. For example, INFJs may lose their glasses or misplace their car keys because they do not pay enough attention to organizing mundane, everyday things. Their internal environment, by contrast, is anything but haphazard. Their ideas need to fit into a coherent whole that has the pieces in place. Organization of the internal world takes precedence over organization of the external world. The external world will become organized if it is important to the INFJ's internal vision, if there is room for it, or if important people request it.
Occupations
To perform well at work, individuals may need to use all of the eight preferences at the appropriate time and when required by the situation. Knowing this, people tend to select occupations that allow them to use the preferences that are most natural to them.
INFJs prefer occupations that focus on the big picture, involve conceptual awareness, and lead to a better understanding of the spiritual, emotional, or future needs of people. They want their work to have impact and meaning and for it to bring them admiration and respect.
While INFJs can and do enter all occupations, some are more appealing to them than others. According to available research, some occupations (in alphabetical order) seem to be especially attractive to INFJs: clergy, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, librarian, marketeer, psychiatrist, psychologist, scientist, social worker, and other occupations that allow INFJs an opportunity to make their own creative contribution. These occupations are not meant to be an exhaustive list, but serve to illustrate some areas an INFJ might enjoy. If your specific occupation, or one that you are interested in, is not listed here, think instead of its generaL characteristics and ask yourself how those fit with your type.
INFJs in Love
For INFJs, "still waters run deep." They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, the INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner.
They may not openly demonstrate, or even verbalize, their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or their mate reveals flaws.
INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular "date," revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.
INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.
INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalize their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long period of self-examination.
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