Chop Chop...

I think the story might get a little choppy from here on out. I don't think you need every little detail of my boring life. I certainly can remember alot more than some but I can't give you a play by play.
So I talked a little about our family changing churches continuously because of my Dad's intolerance of other people not like him. Let's start with that...
It was sixth grade when I met her. (Let's call her Jessica just for sake of giving her a name.) Sixth grade, wow, what a year! I've always said since, "sixth grade is the 'turning point" of which road you will choose for your life". Life decisions are being made by early naive adolescence just trying to fit somewhere. I was no different. I felt like an "odd ball" so I ran to the other "odd balls" who ended up being the "trouble-makers". We were light-weights compared to what our egos thought we were. I remember a few of my friends and I got together an started calling us a gang and we even had name for ourselves, "Living Colors". I bet you can't guess where we got the idea for that. ;)
It was that year I had my first smoke. It was...disgusting (because we were smoking old butts off the ground) but it made us feel tough and cool. I tried on my first swear words amongst my friends. I finally decided I didn't like it though because it reminded me of my Dad and his violent fits of rage. I took part in destroying school property. We found an unlocked door to the wrestling room where they had all the new football equipment. Sitting near by was an unopened can of soda pop....and... well, I guess the place just looked too clean for us. So we messed it up. Like I said, no biggies. The most trouble we got in that year involved about 500 blackcats (fireworks) and the courtyard of the school. Luckily I wasn't caught with the rest of my fellow pyros or I might have been suspended.

I was still just as "tom-boyish" that year. Maybe even more so. I was perfecting it. I was more comfortable with it. I would still hear the repeated inquiry about my gender from time-to-time but it never phased me as much. It was old news. My best friend, Christina, liked me just as I was and that was enough for me. She was my partner in crime. I looked up to her in so many ways that she never knew. But Christina's life was a total mess. Her family was a train wreck. She didn't even know which last name to tell you when she introduced herself. Yet when I saw her I was looking at my older sister (you know, the one you always aspire to grow up just like). We would meet at her locker on occasion between classes.
(This is where Jessica comes in.)
Jessica had a locker beside Christina so I would see her often while I waited. Jessica was a good girl, very studious, very focused, very "normal" and averagely dressed. Nothing about Jessica really stood out all that much. I knew she didn't like me. She didn't "approve" of me or however you want to state it. I was NOT friend quality to her. We would exchange words sometimes, but you know when someone has disgust in their eyes for you. I had no idea of just how much disgust until we later became friends and she told me.

Chop Chop---

I walked into Sunday School the summer before Seventh grade. I had never been to this church before and didn't know a soul but that was nothing new. I had "been there and done that" times 10. As I went to take my seat, my eyes scanned the room and there she was. Jessica sitting there staring in disbelief. I didn't know it then, but that was the beginning of a very long and wonderful friendship.
My parents (although my Dad had talked of leaving, my Mom took her stand)placed their membership and it was that Christian Church that was my family for the next 6 years. Probably would be still but I went off to college and my folks moved again. They are still like family to me but sadly the congregation is no more (that is a long story in itself). Jessica revealed something to me later on after she felt comfortable around me, and I will never forget what she said. With honesty in her eyes, she told me about her suspicions of Christina and I as a lesbian couple. I'm sure some people could laugh a misunderstanding like that off but after my history...not likely. I assured Jessica that NOTHING ever crossed my mind or heart to EVER dream of anything like that with Christina. I was understandably more timid around Jessica after that revelation of her thoughts about me. I felt like, whether I was doing something wrong or not, something must be wrong with me and I needed to be more careful. I did not hug unless I was hugged. I never dreamed of being as flirty as the other girls were with each other. And the words "I love you" were reserved only for close family members. I didn't ever want to appear "gay" again. I was afraid.

That's a good place to stop tonight...and Look!! 4 minutes to spare. =)

I know it's commercial but I'm gonna say it anyway. HAPPY VALENTINES!! And give your honey a big messy smooch.